The Parent Muse
by Heather Ivester

Your Family's Privacy:
Where Do You Draw the Line?

As a parent writer, you don't have to look far to find great story material. The people around your own kitchen table provide you with an endless source of ideas and quotes. Yet where do you draw the line when it comes to protecting your family's privacy?

Some authors prefer to use pen names and shield their children completely from the public. J.K. Rowling recently went so far as to sue a photo agency for trying to publish a picture of her son. Though the judge ruled against her, she plans to appeal, stating she takes the privacy and safety of her children "very seriously."

How do you feel about your family's privacy? Most Christian writers today use their full names in all marketing materials, including websites. Publishers and agents encourage authors and speakers to build a platform of name recognition, which will encourage a fan base (and sales). Yet is it safe to publish your children's real names? And what about online images of your family?

Years ago, before the internet was widely available, writers didn't need to be so concerned about their children's privacy. If your printed article or book contained details or pictures of your children, readers would need to contact you through your editor or publisher. Few would even remember the names or ages of your children.

We live in a different world today. Most writers can be reached directly through their websites. If you share your children's real names and pictures, you should know what online safety experts say about protecting their privacy.

The following tips will help you be prepared:

Keep it Positive

If you're writing or speaking about your family, stay clear of negativity. Many writers today keep a blog, which is an easy way to connect with your readers. Yet if you're posting your work without the benefits of an editor, you may be tempted to get something off your chest that you might later regret.

Before you publish a blog post—or submit any material to a publisher—ask yourself these three questions:

• Is this material edifying, building others up?
   
• Would my family mind me sharing this with the world? (Remember that anything you publish online in a blog or on an online magazine can potentially remain in search engines forever.)
   
• Will this lead people to have a deeper relationship with Christ and hope in God’s Word?

If you're having a rough day, it's probably not a good idea to use your blog, or article, as a place to vent. Take time to process your emotions—later, you may find a take-away point with spiritual value to keep your material uplifting.

Be Mindful of Internet Predators

In a perfect world, everyone would have the best interest of children in mind. Unfortunately, not every online reader has the same moral values as you. Many parents who write online about their children don't realize the potential long-term dangers of their words.
 

Besides embarrassment, online safety experts say sharing too much information can be harmful in the hands of predators. If your children are old enough to be online, you should be teaching them safety rules now.

Popular mom blogger, Shannon of Rocks in My Dryer, is often asked why she doesn't post pictures of her kids or use their real names. She explains: "I'm a freak about Internet security. There are some weirdos out there trolling around even harmless blogs like mine, and I cannot bear the thought of eyes like that looking at pictures of my kids, or seeing their names."

According to Wired Safety, giving out personal information about your family can compromise your children's safety. An Internet predator who discovers this information can pose as someone else to gain your child's trust. Be sure you talk to your kids about Internet safety and keep the lines of communication open on this topic. (See the sidebar for a few helpful sites for parents.)

Know Your Long-Term Goals

Why do you feel called to write? If God has put a certain message on your heart, your stories can help lead your readers to Christ. It’s hard to come across as real when sharing spiritual truths without opening up your life to others. At times, your message may include disclosing details about your family.
 

What do the Experts Say About Online Safety?

At a recent Women of Faith conference, best-selling author Beth Moore shared with thousands of women how she was once stalked by an avid fan. When she discussed this dilemma with her editor, he explained that her openness about her family life made readers feel as if they knew her personally. She had a decision to make—and she ultimately decided it was more important to be authentic than to hide details of her personal life from the public.

You may decide the same holds true for you. If so, before sharing a story, ask the opinion of your spouse and children (if they're old enough). Explain to them what spiritual truth your audience will gain from hearing the story. Your explanation may help your children see that God can use every experience they go through for His glory. However, if it's too embarrassing, drop it. Don't compromise your family's trust in order to gain a few laughs, or publication credits.

Enjoy writing about the people you love! With prayer and wise counsel, you'll be able to make choices that are best for your family.

© 2007 Heather Ivester